Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Up and down

Honestly I'm not really sure how to write about today. But it started last night....

I was doing fine, as you saw from yesterday evenings post. I had possibly maybe not failed a math quiz for once, I had finished a rough-draft of a composition paper, I had read a chapter for my eco anthro book report, I was feeling fine. Then I went to dinner and it was pretty pleasant. But then we got to my least favorite part of the night. The part when people start to split off and go to do different things. I never know where to go when this happens and I never particularly feel like doing anything that is an option with any of the people who are options. I kind of wandered after some friends into the basement of a residence hall. Then I mentioned how people form Long Island (aka NEARLY EVERY FREAKING PERSON AT THIS SCHOOL) do the Cotton-Eye Joe differently. This sparked a debate between Kalia and I. She pulled the whole "Oh I'm a dancer I know what I'm talking about 'that motion is too repetitive and not pleasing for the audience to watch.'"

Well that's all fine and dandy, ma'am, and I'll come to you if I need an opinion on tap dancing, but this is the dance of my people. Line dancing and square dancing, the art of the hill-folk. You keep your "Lon Giland" culture and I'll keep my country. So seeing as we weren't actually doing anything and Kalia was seriously pissing me off like never before (which is saying something), I just left. I'm not sure if anyone noticed or cared.

Thus began a downward spiral of mood that culminated when Russell came to my door to talk about or media project and I kind of broke down when he asked if I was already. I was just so freaking glad that someone, for the first time in about 19 years, had noticed when I was really, really not okay. So I read The Fault in Our Stars and talked with Bruce and listened to the National and cried until I fell asleep.

The next morning I went to class at 8 am, couldn't be bothered to shower or eat, tried to read for class but fell asleep, never got around to writing my paper, and went to the library to meet Russell, Derek, and Megan to discuss our media project.

It was this that really got me out. Megan, Derek, and Russell are probably my favorite people that I've met this year. I find myself talking around them and laughing and having a good time and forgetting that I'm depressed. I want to spend time with them constantly. (Though I'm still not sure how I feel about Derek or how he really feels about me.) Anyway, we had a good time and managed to come up with a ridiculous plan for our media project. Seriously nuts. I won't go into it now, but suffice it to say that this is the only class we could get away with doing something like this.

Then I continued not to do my paper and went to dinner with Sierra (roommate), Megan, and Kim. I don't know what was in the food that day but none of our conversation made sense, we shouted, considered that maybe we were drugged, and decided to sing happy birthday to Kim and get the entire hall to join in. It wasn't her birthday.

I think it's becoming increasingly clear who I should be spending my time with based on how I feel when I'm with them.

After dinner I went to astronomy club. There were way more people there than usual because Raj had offered his students extra credit again. The moon was really, really bright so we couldn't see much but we saw Jupiter and its four moons, the moon, and the Pleiades. I made fun of Stephen for playing the oboe and we talked about band for a bit. It was nice.

Now I'm back in my dorm, waiting for the shower, and still having no idea what to write about Caesar Augustus and the Pax Romana. I'm open to suggestions....

One more thing, I promised myself that if a day was ever as hard as this again, I would seek help. Now it's in writing on my blog and I will. I swear I will.

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