Friday, November 25, 2011

The thing about Thanksgiving....

So the think about Thanksgiving is that it's awkward. It just is. Suddenly all of these people who you see a few times a year at most start flooding into your house. And even though they may be related to you, a lot of them are still basically strangers to you. Having similar genetics doesn't actually mean you know them or have anything substantial in common. And yeah, you love them in all but it's still weird, there's no getting around that. And yes, this is true for pretty much any holiday but Thanksgiving has an extra oddness about it.

For starters, it's kind of just shoved in the year. Here you are, going along and having a nice autumn, watching the trees change and whatnot when suddenly, a wild holiday appears in the tall grass! and really, what is it even doing here? I'm just trying to enjoy my November, the Holden Caulfield of months, but now I can't because of this random holiday that just decided to show up, catapulting us forward into winter before the tree I stare at everyday in biology class has even lost all of its leaves.

Second, what exactly are we celebrating? If you ask ten people, you will get ten different answers. And that's fine, really, it is. But isn't it strange how we have this national holiday that is supposed to bring people together that means a different thing for every person? And shouldn't we be thankful for things all year long and not just on one day a year? Which brings me to number three.

Every person has those two friends who see Thanksgiving completely differently. One is the all-American, I-just-shot-my-own-turkey-in-the-frozen-food-section, good old boy. And then there's the politically correct, never-shuts-up-about-how-we-shot-Indians, disillusioned cynic. And every year, you listen to the "I'm thankful America is the best" speech and read the "Hypocrites! You're all hypocrites! Eat nothing! Buy nothing! Trust no one over 30!" facebook status. And don't you just want to introduce them to each other so they can preach and yell at the other while you eat mashed potatoes?

The fourth reason Thanksgiving is weird is more personal for me. My birthday falls a few days before Thanksgiving every year and I can't really enjoy it because it marks the start of the most awkward holiday of all. And I feel awful that my mom goes through so much trouble for my birthday and then for Thanksgiving.

Fifth on the list is all of the food. Food is great, yeah? I personally love it, but after 18 years of eating turkey for a month each year I'm kind of sick of it. Literally. I don't know what it is but for the past few years the smell of cooking poultry just makes me ill. Oh and then when the left over turkey is put in a soup I get really confused because the house smells like apples from the pies or apple crisp so I start to think that it's Passover.

And lastly, when exactly does Thanksgiving begin and when does it end? In other words, when can I stop feeling like a stranger in my own house? When do people go home? It sounds rude, and it is, but I just want to have the house to myself for one night. The view from my bedroom window gets a little boring after long enough. And I want to film videos but I feel so awkward and nervous about doing it with a full house.

So now you know why Thanksgiving is so damn awkward and why this may have been my last "traditional" Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if I'll come home for it next year. Honestly, I would be so happy just spending the holiday on the floor with some cartons of leftover Chinese food, a good friend, and plenty of Doctor Who episodes. Is anyone free next year?

Also, I'm officially dropping out of NaNoWriMo. I got sick last week and had too much schoolwork so I couldn't write and I haven't caught up. I just don't want to. Next year, maybe I'll finish. But for now, I'm ending it with 28,169 words.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Turning back months of mutual avoidance

I should really be writing my novel write now (I'm doing NaNoWriMo) but I wrote nearly 5000 words last night and got caught up after being days behind. Or I should be doing homework but I've got six hours in a car tomorrow as I'm going to visit my brother for the evening so I'll have plenty of time to study on the trip. And with my word count at 16739 and still another two days to get my schoolwork done, I've decided to write a blogpost on this thing that is currently happening to me.

Over in the Summer of 2010 I met this boy at a theatre workshop who I really fell for. From the end of July to the beginning of January he was basically the most important person in my life. I'm not going to go into details but basically things ended pretty badly and awkwardly a couple times during those five months. Finally in the middle of December we began to drift for good.

Now I have a history of depending too much on certain people. "Anchors" you might say. This kid was one of them. I told him pretty much everything about my life and he did the same with me. But we never actually dated. *cue Forever Alone music* So there were all of these text messages passed between us carrying the story of two lives. And then when the awkwardness came they dried up, were eventually deleted, and replaced by new phones. The only contact we've had for months and months now was the occasional joke on a facebook status.

But today is Veteran's Day. This guy's brother was (or maybe still is) a Marine. So I texted this guy asking him to wish his brother a nice day and to thank him for me. And from there a very tentative and short conversation sprouted up about colleges. I think the conversation has ended now. I sent the last message ten minutes ago so the balls in his court at any rate. But it's weird. Here's this guy who used to mean the world to me, who I used to tell everything to automatically. And now if we were standing in the same room we'd be staring at our shoes or out the window, talking about the weather.

I don't mean to make this blog into a diary- I couldn't never keep those, anyway- but it's just interesting and strange to me how just a year ago this guy had my entire life story in his phone and now we can't even carry on a polite and superficial conversation. It's really too bad. I miss him. I don't think it's possible not to miss someone who was as important to me as this man once was. But after this much time and this much distance I don't think we can start again. I've been thinking about it lately, though, and I think I'd like to try. So, not that you're reading this, but if you are, Anthony, do you want to be friends?