I wake up every morning and am terrified. I go to bed at night and lie awake for hours because I am afraid of what I'll have to do in the morning. If I'm lucky I will get a few hours of uninterrupted peaceful sleep.
I do this every day.
But I still wake up. Every day I struggle through it, being afraid of doing the wrong thing or not saying something or talking to a stranger or showing up two minutes late to an appointment. I do it because I am a human and it scares me. I am afraid to do it, but I do it anyway because that's what it means to be alive.
I have an anxiety disorder and so this feeling of fear is always in the back of mind but everyone experiences it. And there's nothing wrong with that. We're supposed to be scared because life is scary. It's scary to say your opinions or share your work or say how you feel because people are going to get angry and people are going to not like what you've made and people are going to disagree.
But guess what? That's okay. Because that person who disagrees with you is also scared. I honestly feel like we could make this world such a better place if we only admit that we're afraid and recognize that everyone else is, too.
When we recognize emotions that we feel in other people, suddenly these emotions don't matter so much because you see that they're normal and you don't let them have such a control over your life. Break free from the fear. You can do it.
I did it.
Just yesterday I asked out a boy. He said no but I am still so glad I did it. I gained that experience and now I won't wonder and torture myself with thoughts of “what if” at night. I was terrified to do it. But I did anyway because I knew that if I didn't at that moment, then I would think of myself as a coward and I don't think I can handle thinking one more negative thought about myself.
So I took a chance. I did something anyway, despite the fear. And even though I was turned down it was worth it because in that moment, the fear had no hold over me. So go ahead. Make mistakes. Dare to suck. Make fear your bitch. Do something simply because you're scared of it. Recognize the fear as normal, and just go about your business anyway. That's the only way any of us are ever going to make it through life.
I meant to use that as a script for a video in response to Charlie McDonnell's video called "I'm Scared" but I never got around to it. So here it is in blog form.
I only really have one thing left to say for today which is: WHY ARE YOU PLAYING YOUR GUITAR OUTSIDE WHEN THE HUMIDITY IS 90%!?!?!?