Friday, November 11, 2011

Turning back months of mutual avoidance

I should really be writing my novel write now (I'm doing NaNoWriMo) but I wrote nearly 5000 words last night and got caught up after being days behind. Or I should be doing homework but I've got six hours in a car tomorrow as I'm going to visit my brother for the evening so I'll have plenty of time to study on the trip. And with my word count at 16739 and still another two days to get my schoolwork done, I've decided to write a blogpost on this thing that is currently happening to me.

Over in the Summer of 2010 I met this boy at a theatre workshop who I really fell for. From the end of July to the beginning of January he was basically the most important person in my life. I'm not going to go into details but basically things ended pretty badly and awkwardly a couple times during those five months. Finally in the middle of December we began to drift for good.

Now I have a history of depending too much on certain people. "Anchors" you might say. This kid was one of them. I told him pretty much everything about my life and he did the same with me. But we never actually dated. *cue Forever Alone music* So there were all of these text messages passed between us carrying the story of two lives. And then when the awkwardness came they dried up, were eventually deleted, and replaced by new phones. The only contact we've had for months and months now was the occasional joke on a facebook status.

But today is Veteran's Day. This guy's brother was (or maybe still is) a Marine. So I texted this guy asking him to wish his brother a nice day and to thank him for me. And from there a very tentative and short conversation sprouted up about colleges. I think the conversation has ended now. I sent the last message ten minutes ago so the balls in his court at any rate. But it's weird. Here's this guy who used to mean the world to me, who I used to tell everything to automatically. And now if we were standing in the same room we'd be staring at our shoes or out the window, talking about the weather.

I don't mean to make this blog into a diary- I couldn't never keep those, anyway- but it's just interesting and strange to me how just a year ago this guy had my entire life story in his phone and now we can't even carry on a polite and superficial conversation. It's really too bad. I miss him. I don't think it's possible not to miss someone who was as important to me as this man once was. But after this much time and this much distance I don't think we can start again. I've been thinking about it lately, though, and I think I'd like to try. So, not that you're reading this, but if you are, Anthony, do you want to be friends?

1 comment:

  1. 1. Heather, you're an amazing writer, and I really hope you blog more often. It's fascinating.
    2. I totally know what you mean. I had this girl in my life for a long time (you may have heard me talk about her before - at awesomecon or in efao or whatever) who was basically my BEST friend and just this perfect Alaska-type person in my life. And then suddenly things got cut off. She moved to a farm outside Montreal and we just stopped talking. And I saw her recently at ComicConMTL and it was jsut so awkward! My heart started beating and all these old feelings and closenesses came flooding back, yet we still had very little to say to each other.

    Like you said, it's weird, how you can be so, so close to someone...and how that can just stop. it really kind of sucks. I want to say that maybe it's necessary sometimes, but I dont know.
    It's weird.

    God, now im all nostalgic and emotional. xD thanks heather.
    i love you <3